Wednesday, September 22, 2010

Maybach Music Performances: From Worst to Best

Fuck them.

     So after listening to Maybach Music 3 in the whip last night, I began to reflect on the previous 2 versions of it. I remembered how much I loved the original & then how ecstatic I was when the beat dropped for a 2nd version on his next album. Then I started reminiscing about verses and it really hit me: Who’s performances were the best throughout the series? Well, in MY OPINION(gotta capitalize that nowadays or else people that don’t agree will label you a hater(probably still will)), here is the list in order from worst to best, followed by youtubes of all three songs in case you wanna refresh/compare, but first…

    This seems like the best place to state that this is not a list of which artist I feel are the best in general. The reason this seems like such a good place to do so is that if I had to rate who did the best job on the hooks…….T-Pain shits on Erykah Badu. Does T-Pain’s catalog shit on Erykah’s catalog? Fuck the fuck no!!! In this case? Yes. Also a great place to mention that being ranked toward the bottom doesn’t mean they were bad. Erykah did an outstanding job & I have no complaints, but T-Pains addition to the feel/persona/energy of the song was amazing. He may have contributed more than the people with actual verses on it.
    Also, if I had to rank the instrumentals, version#2 is the best, followed by #1 and then #3. If there is any debate here, I’m sure it is over #1 being ranked the best over #2. I can’t even say I necessarily disagree with you. I go back and forth over those two every 10 minutes. They might swap positions 10 times before I finish this. Anyhoo, the verses…


    If this was a ranking of catalogs, Kiss would be in the top 3 of this list. Also just a reminder that being last doesn’t necessarily mean I hated his verse. With that being said, I hated his fucking verse. Its not even that it was a bad verse. Its just that his verse was the most, “Psssst…Hey, can you guys tell that I don’t really own a Maybach, nor have I ever set foot in one before? Aww shit, you got me! Crack rocks, Yei-Yeighhh!!!” shit even possible. I don’t mean that in a “He can’t afford one” fashion, of course he can. He’s fuckin Jadakiss! I mean that despite the distinct Maybach mentions/drops in his verse, it was nothing that I’d envision on a song entitled “Maybach Music”. Throw that verse on a different song, “Nice job Jada!” Throw it on this Maybach Music…

Also worth noting, I had this convo with a friend of mine about Jadakiss just not fitting the description of someone that should be on a Maybach Music and he proposed the question, “Who else in the game would be a better fit that hasn’t already appeared on one?” Couldn’t even answer the question that day, but I eventually did. Drake. Am I bigger fan of Drake than Kiss? Hell no. Does Drizzy fit the bill better? Some of you are gritting your teeth, but you know its true.

(You know damn well he can’t drive with those glasses)

    Another dope verse, BUT with a themed song comes points being awarded for portrayal of the theme. I’m not saying that Ye’s verse didn’t fit the description for an MM song(Like Jada’s), but it still did come off as a pretty generic verse. There was a mention of a two-tone(which I assume is a Bach) w/grey poupon in bars 3-4, then it just tapered off into a default verse about rich nigga stuntin’, and finally ended with another Maybach mention in the last bar. No, you don’t have to go “Maybach, Maybach, Maybach! Curtains, curtains, curtains!” throughout the verse to be considered Maybach Music, and ‘rich nigga stuntin’ is on par with what MM is all about, but with that being said, it was still a pretty generic, all-purpose Kanye verse to me.

I like Phantoms better anyway

I keep switching back and forth between if this verse deserves to be in front of Kanye or not. Im pretty sure this was the most generic verse of them all. Even with that being said, I still feel it was a better verse than Kanye’s. Ye’s gets another honorable mention for possibly having a better verse just because his ‘aura’(if that makes any sense) on the track fits the theme a lot better than Wayne. Also, Weezy almost fell victim to his patented ‘Weezy bullshit’ when he starts to doze off on a song and you feel less and less like you’re hearing a verse, more and more like you just asked him how his day was.Still, he remained conscious for the majority of the song and put in a stellar performance.

Notable: I didn’t actually penalize Wayne for this, but if you feel that his verse should’ve been ranked higher, just pretend I deducted points for saying, “Lil’ Wayne in one word…IMMACULENT”. That’s not a fucking word. Yes, I know what he was going for. He missed.

#5 - #3
(The 1st picture fit the subject best, but the 2nd one is just fuckin funny. Carry on)

    I did rank these verses completely separately(both verses on the 1st version were taken as one performance though), and they just happened to fall in line so I’ll just make Ross one solid spot on the list. To break them down individually, #5 on the list would be Ross on MM3. It fell victim to some of the same issues as the previously mentioned verses, but the thing that pushes this verse ahead is his sheer amount of charisma and energy. Ross is actually mated to his instrumentals and adds a lot of presence to the song beyond words. This verse still staggers for being borderline, if not full-blown, off-subject. #4 goes to his performance on MM2. He started off with a good flow, and just gained more and more speed/dopeness bar after bar. It was really like witnessing a snowball effect.
    Its when we get into the top three that we get into the real competition & I think there’s a large divide between these 3 and the rest. #3 of course being Officer Rozay on the original Maybach Music, its in this grouping when artist begin to go beyond spitting verses and began orchestrating stories. As far as Ross is concerned, I’ll call it Maybach hunger(no fat joke). MM1 was like asking a kid to talk about this new toy he just got on Christmas yesterday. Do that and he’ll go on for an hour just about the stuff on the box it came in. MM3 was kind of like asking that same kid about that same toy the day after Xmas of next year. Kind of had that, “Yea, that was awesome, it did this and all, BUT LOOK AT THIS SHIT…” persona to it.

Notable: The original MM came out at a time when I was not a believer in Ross becoming anything more than a “Bass heavy beat rapper”. This was the verse/track that made me think, “Hold up, wait one sec…This portly MF just might have the glow!”

Now, to the finals…Someone is gonna call bullshit…

(Probably has Beyonce’s pussy juices all over his lips in this picture. Don’t mean that as an insult, I’d moisturize my entire body with that shit if given the opportunity. Bastard.)
    Jay had an outstanding verse, as always(most of the time). It had everything. Great flow. Outstanding portrayal of the theme. Amazing lyricism. One with the instrumental. Maybach aura. Everything. I mean….Its Hov. Its whats expected(most of the time). In his verse he mentioned something about being painted perfectly like a Picasso and that’s what this verse was. A perfect image portrayal of what the Maybach Music theme is all about. It's a testament to how a true hip-hop heavyweight dives into a subject and another reason why so many people who swear they're Jay-z simply aren't.

He also fucks this for a living.

Notable: As much as I like this verse, its amazing that this isn’t my favorite verse from Jay-z featured on a Ricky Rozay song. See: Rick Ross ft. Jay-z – Free Mason.


    Jay-z stans and fans alike probably can’t wait to see how he wasn’t ranked #1 on this list. Well here it goes. Everything that I said Jay’s verse had, Tip’s verse had as well. The difference maker is that if Jay-z painted an image of the theme, T.I. shot a full-length motion picture about it. Its one thing to tell an amazing story about something(Hov), and another to actually set people in the story themselves. That’s what T.I. did with his verse to me. I don’t feel like Im hearing a great story being told, I feel like I’m actually recollecting my own thoughts from a previous experience and I’ve never set foot inside a Maybach. I’ve been right next to one at the airport and 3 at an auto show, but trust me, those doors were locked as shit. I checked (well, 3 of them anyway. Won’t say which 3). T.I. didn’t just throw in a lot of Maybach imagery. I can actually feel progression through the story as the verse goes on. Maybe that’s just me though. Ah well, still about to fire up the Chevy, put that verse on and look down at other niggas in Chevys. Bawse!

Notable: T.I. and Tiny’s lumbar support(back) must have had the most WTF reaction ever when they got pulled over. Shits like being pulled out of the hot tub & tossed in the unheated pool. You gotta at least set a nigga in a Cadillac for a few minutes before you throw him in the squad car. You can’t pull somebody from the back of the Bach straight to the back of the Crown Vic with the plastic seats. Ah well…

In case you'd like to compare verses for yourself again...

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